Sick Joke

(Write it in gold

It could be retold

But the ending gets old

They say you learn to know

When it's time to go

Like a sick joke)

These days I'm talking to myself again

Reenacting conversations that never happened

I know what to say now when you ask me

If everything I feel is temporary

I'm learning more about myself

And it's scary

Won't you let me live right here in the memory

Love me plenty, Take this gently

Leave me empty, Leave me whole

Call it what it is

It's a sick, sick joke

But nobody's laughing now

Wanna learn to love you I just don't know how

Swear I'm really trying but I'm all worn out

And all that happened hurt me more than I care to talk about

Nobody's laughing now

Nothing ever changes and I'm sick of this town

Will I find it in me to find a way out?

I think I might feel better once I let you down

♪

Restless, overanalyzing everything

You reached across these sheets for me

And though we never touched in that midnight glow

Every part of me you begged to know

I look into your eyes and I see my own

Almost like you always knew me

What a horrifying feeling

(You were horrifying)

I only miss it a little

And I don't wish you very well

You only loved me in riddles

But you still loved me, I could tell

Now you call it a fever dream

Only kidding yourself

But nobody's laughing now

Wanna learn to trust you I just don't know how

Swear I'm really trying but I'm all worn out

And all that happened hurt me more than I care to talk about

And I'm still checking my phone

But you're no longer a contact

I'm good on my own

And you already know that

You swore to be true

And you failed in the moment

They say it takes two but

I blame you

Nobody's laughing now

Nothing ever changes and I'm sick of this town

Will I find it in me to find a way out?

I think I might feel better once I let you down

I don't know what it means

Someday I'll find the meaning

The wound still stings

But I kinda like the bleeding

Where'd you go? I don't know

But you oughta stay there

Had to block you on the internet

Cause I still care

It keeps me up at night like a bad, bad dream

What if I never find someone who's just like me?

Our stars never aligned and we did a bad thing

I hold onto these grudges like i wish you held me

Reluctantly surrender my incessant need

For love so all consuming that it ruins me

You promised it was real, well I guess you misspoke

So call it what it is

(It's a sick, sick joke)

And nobody's laughing now

I wanna merciful, I don't know how

Swear I'm really trying but you wore me out

All that happened hurt me more than I care to talk about

And it goes against my nature to believe you're bad

But why'd you have to lie to me like that?

There always comes a point when you have to have your own back

Nows a good a time as ever to learn that

Thankful that I never gave you all of me

Now I get to walk away with everything

If I linger in your memory, eradicate me!

I never saw you coming but I felt you leave

Nobody's laughing now

Gave myself the closure cause I did my best

Hope you never find the guts to make amends

Crying to my friends

Plotting my revenge

When all I really wanna know is

Why would you pretend?