What A Plunderful World

Do you love the sweet smell of industry in the morning?

Does terra firma fill you with terror versus firm factory foundations?

Have you ever looked at mother nature's splendor and thought, "Eugh..."

We have brave FICSIT pioneers nobly shaving off the galaxy's superfluous greenery

Grinding it down into the fine mulch of progress and refining it into pure ingots of profit

And now, you too can join them

Welcome to the Awesome Shop

The planets and the stars are new frontiers of revenue

And our pioneers bring bargains factory direct to you

Try not to be disheartened by the trees that we consume

Call and place your orders of products from the Awesome Shop

Violent violet boars on your iron ore?

Carnivorous critters crashing your Caterium conveyors?

Then do we have just the product for you

Every planet features sweet resource veins that you can extract

Sadly, selfish creatures then, of course, make them their habitats

We've got a brilliant new addition to your haversack

Thirty thousand volts of pure eviction in one handy pack

Introducing the Xeno-Zapper, just as soon as it leaves the wrapper

Any nuisance beats giving you any grief? Just give a brief zap and you'll see them scatter

Is it cruel? Does it even matter? Deep below, well, we need that matter

It's a tool with a decent stagger, but certain pests need a beefier splatter

The Xeno-Basher is our premium offering

Guaranteed to leave more than a few teeth wobbling

When local zoology opposes remodeling

We recommend them a deluxe clobbering

Case in point!

This little bugger clearly needs an excavation of his brain from his head

Oh, he's uh, he's brought me a berry

Nobody's ever brought me a berry before

Go on, get out of here

The planets and the stars are new frontiers of revenue

It's one small step for industry, one giant deal for you

Leaving deep space carbon footprints in some giant freaking shoes

Wake up, babe, new ores just dropped

Now stocked in the Awesome Shop

'Cause it's thirsty work, converting the fertile earth

From worthless dirt to stuff for the twerps on Earth to purchase

So, what's a few birds in a furnace?

Slurp from your new coffee cup, you've earned it

Land that's not wasteland stands wasted

Raze those plants and then replace with

Planting plants, gas excavating

Fracking plans are quite groundbreaking

Flora and the fauna aren't important when there's more to sell

Heck, even our chainsaw fuel is ground up alien tortoiseshells

There's no need to focus on our one-sided war of the worlds

Ripping up the rosebuds as we're plundering these ores n' wells

Climate impact? Disregard it!

You're under contract to farm it

Our market share just can't be spared

And you've got artifacts to harvest

News from Earth, widespread chaos

There is no hope but for all citizens to immediately harvest alien artifacts

You must comply

You must comply

You must comply

The planets and the stars are new frontiers of revenue

And our pioneers bring bargains factory direct to you

You've reached our complaints department, you're three millionth in the queue

Critics say we oughta stop, but then, who'd stock the Awesome Shop?

Ugh, it's that blinking lizard doggo again

That's it! You were warned! I am gonna clobber you with

Ugh! He's brought me another present

Look, I can't do it, he's too cute

It's a-, it's a barrel of nuclear waste

Thanks, little guy

I could never be mad at you