38 times today

I thought about you 38 times today

That's four less than yesterday

Maybe that means I'm gonna be okay

It's just a break

But I saw a white cat on someone's front lawn

And almost broke down over a baseball

I thought I'd smash my phone each time

That spam one wasn't your call

But you, you want a judgement

Almost a punishment

You'll only feel okay

If you walk away with a win

And you don't wanna lose

But I don't wanna lose you

This is what I get, I guess

I've known it from the cradle

I've seen what fights turn into

I didn't grow up like you

For you, it's just a mess, a little stress

For me, it all feels fatal

And I don't wanna lose

I don't wanna lose you again

Ooh

I dreamed about another six years with you

You making dumb jokes that we can laugh to

And maybe that means we're gonna be okay

It's just a break

But I feel my heart fall into a cliff dive

Stomach from my chest and then a faint cry

Every hour, back and forth

I question if it's this time

Now what I've been picturing

Is all disconfiguring

I don't see a day we get to a place

We both win

And you don't wanna lose

But I don't wanna lose you

This is what I get, I guess

I've known it from the cradle

I've seen what fights turn into

I didn't grow up like you

For you, it's just a mess, a little stress

For me, it all feels fatal

And I don't wanna lose

I don't wanna lose you

I think I'm pretty sure it's just a nick

A little scratch

But when I rub my eyes it starts to feel

A bit like we might crash

While I'm screaming in my sleep and skipping meals

How are you fine? While I'm here

And the fear is out here eating me alive

That you might go, yeah, I know

You don't wanna lose

But I don't wanna lose you

This is what I get, I guess

I've known it from the cradle

I've seen what fights turn into

I didn't grow up like you

It's just a mess, a little stress

For me, it all feels fatal

And I don't wanna lose

I don't wanna lose you again