Vending Machine of Love

This is a song about soft drinks, and nothing else

Get your mind out of the gutter

Hey guys, are your lips dry?

Any desiccated ladies trying to get by?

I know the best way for the girls and the boys to

Come together and enjoy a little moisture

So you're waiting on the mate that's one-a-million?

And carbonation ain't the way that you envisioned

You say it's strange, but baby, shed your inhibitions

And let your date slip into something aluminium

She's elegant and eloquent and so effervescent

Subtle bubbles in my stubble feeling ever so pleasant

Never thought I'd find a girl with such a delicate essence

Free with the meal deal at the delicatessen, uh

Saw you sittin' in the fridge with a twinkle

Are you a multipack can or are you single?

A little of sipping and a spritz isn't sinful

I'm just finna get my finger in your ring-pull

So slot your pennies in the vending machine of love

And pick that fizzy little minx that you've been dreaming of

If you're cursed with the thirst of a lonely man

You can get your juices flowing with some OnlyCans

Every glamorous can has a heart to fill

So I hope that you can handle 330 mL

Get lost in the froth as the foam expands

Get your lovin' while you're gluggin' on some OnlyCans

Now you've seen other paysite galleries

But none of those girls taste like raspberries

So if you think we're just some obscene cannery

All our cans are over 18 calories

So, give a spray for some flirtatious behaviour

That come-hither hiss is what you came for

We've been brewing up a plethora of flavours

Say we're crude, you can never say we're tasteless

So if you drink it straight or with a mixer

Bring a mister or a missus home for dinner

Everybody's got a different fizzle in their spritzer

What's it matter what ingredients are on your sticker?

I haven't met you all, but it's contextual

You're all impeccable if it's consensual

If you're ace, demi, pan, flexible

End of the day, we are all can-sexual

So slot your pennies in the vending machine of love

And pick that fizzy little minx that you've been dreaming of

If you're cursed with the thirst of a lonely man

You can get your juices flowing with some OnlyCans

Every glamorous can has a heart to fill

So I hope that you can handle 330 mL

We can semi-guarantee that we won't be banned

Get your lovin' while you're gluggin' on some OnlyCans

May be fizzy, but I'll spit a little candour

Sure it's sticky, but we'll lick the spillage after

There's only one app for tin-can philanderers

Snapping what the can did with your candid camera

Can a can can-can? Yes it can, all the cans in Cannes are

Canuck cans in Canada, manly cans in Canberra in canoes

Grabbing noodles and canoodling with cans in Can Tho

Mexican cans in Cancun

Scandalously scantily clad in their scanties and decanting at you

Camping with a Scandinavian can

Under a canopy, alone in a canyon with your can boo

Share a cannoli with Italian cans on the canals before a candlelit dance

Then canter off to Canterbury for a canny romance, you better cancel your plans

This Can-sonova can't handle the demand

Of Cantabrian cañ-oritas in cantinas with fans on the Canary Islands

Strip canasta 'til you're down to your pants

And your can-panion froths over your hand

Damn, these Cantonese Shizes are your creamiest stans

So go over to Can-bodia

You can let the local flavour flow over you

Getting down with the hard, round chromium

Lovin's never been so low-sodium

Can looking like a snack? That's a canapé

Can-paining like Barack? That's a candidate

Can sweet on your tongue? That's a candy cane

Can rocking them guns? That's some cannonade

Feel that can in your heart? That's a cannula

Can sends its regards? That's a canister

Inquisitive can? That's a canvasser

Insensitive can? Cantankerous

So slot your pennies in the vending machine of love

And pick that fizzy little minx that you've been dreaming of

If you're cursed with the thirst of a lonely man

You can get your juices flowing with some OnlyCans

Every glamorous can has a heart to fill

So I hope that you can handle 330 mL

Hey, don't touch, just hold the cam

Get your lovin' while you're gluggin' on some OnlyCans

So download OnlyCans, the app for soda lovers

It's got very high ratings

Oh, oh no, sorry, it's... it's very hydrating, my mistake