Star-Lord vs Captain Jack Sparrow

One, two, three

Did you chart course? (Yeah)

To the best and likable Guardian of the Galaxy

The mother-effin' Star-Lord?

I take pirates and ravage 'em, then make it look like an art form

How I'm sending them starboard (woo)

That measly craft can't even travel through space

The off-and-on-again captain of wooden planks and some crates

C'mon it's not even fun, I shoot a blast and it breaks (hey)

Lookin' like something that Groot could ask on a date (yeah)

I understand ya, Captain Hook, we couldn't be savvier

You don't care about the loot unless there's booze inside

Maybe if you hadn't got that "Moves Like Jagger" stagger

Then you wouldn't have been practically marooned five times

And if he was mute, then he would have (yeah)

More gold, less mutinies

I track two deaths between you and me

So back off, or we can shoot for three (woo)

I hope that eyeliner you're rocking is waterproof

Or when I make you cry

I bet you'll look like Rocket Raccoon (aw, screw you)

Speaking of, tell Barbosa I said

Unless he wants to hop home, he should cover that leg (huh)

This giant perv's worth a jar of dirt

All this water and he'd still die of thirst

I'm not gonna be the first to give him a curse (yeah)

Yeah, Sparrow overboard because I'm flipping the bird

If you think my ship lacks the caliber to do damage

Then you're a pinch wrong

You best start believin' in tired old cannons, mate

'Cause you're in one

Who are you, ay? Some poncy explorer?

Some stowaway who stowed away in one of my barrels?

I forgot who you were, and I'm not even Gamora

But she'll always remember one Captain Jack Spar-

I row my boat, so flow's no trouble

You got no ammo, you only blow bubbles

Thanos had choked but no, this bloke fumbled

And eroded, hope he's so disposable

We all see things when we run out of beer crates

But if you think your dad's a planet?

That's a bit weird, mate

A demigod too?

I believe that he's lost it

Is there perhaps a tribe keeping you hostage?

Oh, savage! You and your posse's ocean fodder

I'll take the lot and then stuff 'em in Davy Jones' locker

That be the place the dead depart to from beyond the water

Ask nicely or the rodent won't say hi to Yondu for ya!

Alright guys, step back

Yeah, people aren't cargo, granted

But you mentioned Gamora, so eff that

To me, your measly crew is target practice

You reek, and with that libido

Any woman who ever has to hoist your sails would heave, ho

Cap, Cap'n Crunch before he reloads

Do you really think I couldn't crush an Ego? (Oh)

Your franchise was fun to start

Then your writing walked the plank and jumped the shark

But your fifth movie was immersive if you buy it

You'll know what it's like to be swindled by pirates

Gibbs, Plan B! Plan B, Gibbs!

There once was a kid with no ounce of a clue

Abducted and ripped from his house for doubloons

Deprived from a childhood, he's now a buffoon

Like his brain has been draining the Fountain of Youth

Your state is a place you don't need to be visiting

Based on your fate, you already live in misery

Can't call you son if you're not a son to someone

Skimmed through your bloody films and thought

"Where's the mum gone?"

The key to your heart when your heart's in a chest

We all have a partner to dance with, unless

Your maiden gets taken away by her dad

And now she's an ex you can't place on a map

Yo-ho, woe is me! Ripe with depression, 'tis the life you lead

Drowning your sorrows like they're dying at sea

Just don't touch the rum 'cause that's mine, savvy?

Since you're zarg-nuts, let me simplify

Bitch, you're a fickle guy who can't ever stick to or pick a side

You either die or let the Guardians get boarding your ship

It's like we're taking over a second Disney ride

That talking octopus has got you scared to death?

I saw that dude on Counter-Earth when he was selling meth

You spent the rest of your entire life on a quest to extend it

For execs to execute you, sever ties, and fucking end it

Sever ties? Oh, right! Like James Gunn did

I'll never stop flowing like the waterwheel, I run in

Oh look, we're in luck 'ere lads, there's gold hidden in his ship

The guy with the eyebrows, nab his limbs and we'll be rich

But now, who will save you when you drop off the airlock door?

In space, no one hears your face pop like popcorn

I should've fought Thor, kept this captain to captain

So do what you do best and just be a distraction, ay?