The Ballad Of Bob The Snow Golem

Yay! Bedtime story! (Yay!)

Read the book, damnit!

Alright, calm down, calm down

This is an ancient tale from many snapshots ago

Long before version 1.19

In the middle of the village was a household

A little different to the others, they weren't as cold

So let's go down below to meet the only townsfolk made out of snow

He was a clown, you know

Loved pranking, bro

Suddenly pouncing, making people round say, "Oh!"

His name was Bob

And his daily job was guarding the town nightly a eight o'clock

But Bob got so bored that he'd lobbed snowballs at the locals

And although all snow that was thrown here was frozen

Nobody really thought it was so cool

Wasn't the most socially appropriate mode of approaching the folk

Who would go to the law court to report that he broke rules

Had a vote, and of course, they'd enforce he be stonewalled

He was caged and afraid, he would wave and say, "hey" to the kids

Parents shaking their heads and they would make them look away

Just as if he didn't exist

And so Bob made the decision to begin making amends

Said sorry mama, never meant to hit you

Never meant to make you cry

So could I be freed now

I promise that I will throw no snow

I'll go home, keep it on the low, low

So, this town isn't a no-go-zone no mo'

Just a cup of cocoa

And a ho-ho-ho

No po-po, yo

Just a nice, time (ah)

Though, uh-oh, yo, it's the night time (ah)

And once the sunset's done

The undead come, so be afraid

They're such a hungry bunch

They want to munch and eat your brains

Nowhere to run and hide

No, they'll just come inside

Wherever you put your bum, they're going to come and find you

But Bob noticed the bloody loud commotion

Would have dove in, but wasn't allowed

The townsfolk just forbode him

It was foreboding to know

That he couldn't go, no chucking snow

So he felt frozen

The zombies closed in, it was as though

They were hunting for something, enclosures were opened

Pumpkins were jumped, there was no clear motive but phobia

Punching a pumpkin is odious

Bob took umbrage at his bros being broken

And broke those oaths that he won't throw snow

He was ready to bury any undead in the area with a

Bo bo bo bo bo!

Go home zombies, ain't it obvious?

We don't want 'em

We got them good, got them gone and with no problem

So the folk bestowed honours and wrote heroic songs

In honour of Bob the snow golem

And although they were so fond of him, doted on him

They couldn't condone lobbing snow with no punishment

He was thrown back inside like Bo Burnham

Was trapped in an iron and stone column

No comment

How could you live knowing you've done it?

Have you no honour?

Got me stuck here 'til the midsummer?

That's some folk horror

Folks want to go on about having free will

'Til you put them in a crowd more than three, then they're evil

That's when Bob said, "Well then I'll be damned

If I let the crowd mentality get me down"

I'm planning to throw down

You turned me barbaric like a snowcone Conan

Now feel the wrath of the snowman

Brap brap brap!

Run home and close the doors

I'm chucking frozen balls at you with no remorse

You could have brokered peace

But now you've chose war

I'll suffer no defeat, 'til very person falls

So every player be warned this is the perfect storm

And 'til the weather's turning warm

I'll lob those snowballs at the locals 'til there are no more

What happened to him, where is he now?

Oh, he is still out there, waiting

Waiting? Woah, what do, what do you mean by waiting?

Waiting

Anyway, goodnight!

Waiting? No, no, no, come back, come back! No!