Gaston

Gosh, it disturbs me to see you, Gaston

Lookin' so down in the dumps

Every guy here'd love to be you, Gaston

Even when takin' your lumps

There's no man in town as admired as you

You're everyone's favorite guy

Everyone's awed, and inspired by you

And it's not very hard to see why

No one's slick as Gaston

No one's quick as Gaston

No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston

For there's no man in town half as manly

Perfect, a pure paragon

You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley

And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on

No one's been like Gaston

A kingpin like Gaston

No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Gaston

As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating

My-what a guy that Gaston!

When I was a lad, I ate four dozen eggs

Every morning to help me get large

And now that I'm grown, I eat five dozen eggs

So I'm roughly the size of a barge

No one shoots like Gaston

Makes those beauts like Gaston

Then goes trompin' around wearing boots, like Gaston

I use antlers in all of my decoratin'

Say it again

Gaston!