Here at Horace Green

Mr. Schneebly, perhaps you're not familiar with this kind of institution.

Let me explain something to you.

Here at Horace Green, our name has come to mean pure excellence in every sense

Which we comandeer for quite a lofty yearly fee

When they write those checks

Each parent here expects

Their child to earn a high return

And because they do, the pressure's on for you and me

Here at Horace Green

We rule the rankings

Lead in funding

Test right off the chart

Greatness is routine, the Board demands it

Or we will both be ripped apart.

Oh, no worries with me. If a kid gets out of line, I smack 'em. Real hard.

There is no corporal punishment.

But you do spank 'em though, right?

Eh?

No.

At our hallowed school the children, as a rule, learn discipline

We drill it in

With, as you might guess, the fear of doing less than well

While they're in our care we tenderling prepare them to compete

With the elite

Till they are dispersed to Harvard, or at worst, Cornell.

Here at Horace Green

We take top honors

Crush our rivals

Wear the prep-school crown

There's no in between

We get results here

Or the alums will hunt us down

Here at Horace Green

We stick to custom

Keep on schedule

Do what must be done

Don't and it will mean I go ballistic!

Right.

Then that's all.

Good luck, have fun!